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Él Tiburon

Your Wheels Suck

by Él Tiburon []
Published on 16/3/07 in People
Please stop living your life a quarter mile at a time.
I like cars. I like them a lot. I'm not really a gearhead, but I go to car shows when they're around and I pause to admire a particularly nice one when I see it on the street (example). I appreciate the time and care it takes to restore an old muscle car, and I plan to do it myself when I'm retired and have nothing to do other than yell at the neighborhood kids and bitch about the government to my basset hound. That being said, I know the difference between a project and a piece of shit. My neighbor has a piece of shit.

Now, we've all had to drive cars that weren't our dream cars. Some of us lived on a couch and had to keep their 1971 Karmann Ghia patched together with speaker wire and duct tape just to get to and from their crappy job at Round Table Pizza, where they ate handfuls of pepperoni when the managers weren't around just to stay alive. I get it.

What I don't get is idiots that take a piece of shit with no muffler and try to pass it off as a muscle car that should be dragged up and down the street like an alcohol funny car on a track in Riverside. You car sucks. Not only does it suck, but it's louder than it is fast. Loud, sucky, and across the street from me.

Racing this shitbox up and down the street is like a toothless hooker that smells like arm pits shaking her business past you over and over. It was unpleasant the first time and the more they do it, the more I want them to get hit by a bus.

All I can do is hope that when this asshat does send his deathtrap into a pack of cub scouts crossing the street, his cell mate is a "top."

Ok, wishing rape on someone is a little extreme, but, man... this guy is a serious douchebag.

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16 Comments

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JaneCopland

Jane
Did you Google-image that car or is that the offending automobile itself? Written on 16/3/07

tiburonbite

Él Tiburon
oh no no, my dear. That would be the shitbox in question. I would also like to add that he covers the whole thing with a big blue tarp at night. Not only does it look craptastic, but you wouldn't want the night air to damage the stripped and rusted interior. Written on 16/3/07

JaneCopland

Jane
Oh my God. The bigger photograph highlights it shittiness even more. What is with... the dents! The falling-off-bumper! The weird "roll bar"! Written on 16/3/07

Fluxx

Jeff Pollard
But it's got a good engine!! Written on 16/3/07

Rebecca

Rebecca Kelley
I was wondering if that actually was your neighbor's car, too. Good God, that thing is an eyesore. Written on 16/3/07

JaneCopland

Jane
Can you send this to him in an email? Print it off and post it in his mailbox? Written on 16/3/07

tiburonbite

Él Tiburon
He doesn't strike me as a guy with an email address. Or much of a reading ability. I used some pretty big words in there. Written on 16/3/07

JaneCopland

Jane
Yeah I guess he might be the type who gets his freak on with toothless hookers too, and thus might not get your analogy at the end. Written on 16/3/07

mustang_man

C Daniel
In a completely non-Drivl way, I'll say that POS sadly is more than likely a pretty quick car, based on its stripped down status and after market intake (even with a stock engine, it should be high 12s in the 1/4). That's assuming that the complete lack of attention to EVERYTHING else was put into the drivetrain.

That being said, and since I'm a mustang guy, this is like the mustang anti-christ here! Befitting of an 80's camaro with dents and dings on every piece of exterior metal, this car is just embarrassing! Its like those junkyard dragsters hot-rod magazine did in the 70s and 80s. But what american suburb would be complete without a completely absurd and ridiculous vehicle (your junkyard reject, hondas with layers of airdams,wings and loud music, or my local favorite...the rednecks with giant tires and no exhaust)?


Written on 16/3/07

blitzhund

William Paris
Mustang_man, I own a 1972 Convertible 351 Cobrajet Mustang that I bought, of all places, in Newcastle.

When I bought it the car had no exhaust (sound familiar?) and when I started it, I'm certain that a number of cardiac patients in a 50 miles radius died of fright.

Eventually, after toiling around with it and adding various oil patches to my driveway (previously completely clean) and an exhaust ststem my wife decided that the neighbors didn't hate us that much so I could keep it - garaged 12 miles away!

Written on 17/3/07

tiburonbite

Él Tiburon
pleeease link pics of your Cobra Written on 18/3/07

blitzhund

William Paris
Tiburonbite - it is not a Cobra but has a 351 Cleveland Cobrajet engine in it.

I'll link some pics but drivl is about errrrrrr....drivl so let's not make this the boy racers forum!

Pics taken in Feb of last year. Changes now are, Chrome bumpers and hood front frame.

Pic 1: Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Pic 2: Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us Written on 19/3/07

mustang_man

C Daniel
blitzhund- clean car! I've got a 89' GT convertible, 99' Cobra convertible, and a 03' Mach 1. I've also got a 79' Bronco with a 429 cobrajet...neighbor complained about it while I was building it, and since delaware has a law against unregistered vehicles, I had 2 weeks to build it...but made sure I started it with open headers though!!!

To the author- a few ways to deal with this jerk...

(the friendly method) Spout off all the regular car guy crap "car originally was a 4 cylinder convertible, trick flow intake, etc. and that with no backpressure he's killing torque, so some mufflers are needed!!!". If not, stab him in the face with a soldering iron.

(the passive-agressive method) Walk or drive out in front of him a couple of times while he's racing down the street so as to scare him from ever wanting to do it again (skinnies on the front don't make for easy emergency maneuvering). The walk up to him with your hand out like your holding a dog leash and tell him he almost killed snuffles! (or imaginary dog name of your choice). Even stupid people know not to upset crazy people.

Or my favorite-Tell him next time he does it you'll do one of two things 1) You'll call the cops or; 2) You'll take a pillow and smother him in his sleep! Again, crazy is your friend....

Its one thing to have a cheap dragster, its another to think being inconsiderate to your neighbors is cool...even my friends know better than doing that stupid stuff near my house because they know I have no problem confronting them aggressively about it (aka broken vodka bottle to neck method)!!! Written on 19/3/07

Markus

Markus
There's no denying that white mustang is fast.
Look at the roll bars. That aint stock.
Look at them. Fuckin' look at them!!!
They tell a story.
"I'm fast and don't fuck with me".

See those wheels. The tread is damn burned off the rear set.
That's power baby.

And the steering wheel. Sure sign of big block power.
They don't sell those to just any good ol' boy y'know.
That's one of those smaller diameter jobs reserved
just for muscle cars.

The stang also has the tilt.
That's all about speed and aerodynamics.

You can see he's stripped unnecessary weight like interior panels.
This man knows what he's doing!

Ever try to stick a banana in the tail pipe? Written on 18/3/07

sportrider

Sidharth Iyer
At first glance, I thought "Oh Wow. This guy has gone all out". Then I took a closer look, and i thought "Wow. What a piece of shit." That car was no convertible. He just chopped off the roof to make it look like one. For those non gearheads (or drivers), the roof plays an integral role in the structural support of a car, and is critical to resist the torsional bending of the chassis in corners (Then again, all Mustangs have live rear axles, so I dont think it can pull enough g's to cause any significant torque). he put the newer wheels on the back tyres (Cause everyone knows, u need more grip on the powered wheels. Never mind the wheels steering the damn thing). Then he put on half a roll cage. A roll bar will only help if the car is spinning only around its driveshaft. If the car is moving laterally, and spinning around multiple axis, you need a roll cage to protect u. This guy has no idea what he's doing.

Does he leave the bonnet up so people can stare at the painting of an engine compartment he put there? Written on 19/3/07

tiburonbite

Él Tiburon
I didn't think it was possible for me to hate my neighbor more. Then I walked out my front door.

This guy... this guy kills me.

Not only does he rev his shitbox all night and race around the block like he's Cole Fucking Trickle, but now I have to walk out to an imax view of this idiot's shit-stained banana hammock.

27 inches of fucking underwear? Really? Gonna rock the dirty jeans that low? I really want to shove this guy in, beat him to death with his own dented hood, and take this cretin out of the gene pool for the good of all mankind.

Nice tarp, fucknut.
Written on 15/5/07

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