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Rebecca Kelley

Breaking News: Victoria's Secret Salesgirls are Morons

by Rebecca Kelley []
Published on 17/7/07 in People
Apparently you don't have to be Harvard educated to work at Victoria's Secret. Who knew?
I went to the mall last weekend, and while I was there I stopped at Victoria's Secret. I'm kind of a bra purist--for whatever reason, I've only gotten mine from Victoria's Secret. I don't even know why I'm so brand loyal. I think it's out of habit. It's not like I have some abnormally giant knockers that require me to go to VS for all my brassiere-acquiring needs (in fact, often the sales ladies look at me, flicker their eyes down to my chest, and then politely suggest one of the smallest sizes they carry).

Anyway, whenever I need to buy new bras, I head to the mall and get tractor-beamed into the store, where I am overwhelmed with the sickly sweet stench of perfumes and scented lotions, feathery-trimmed see-through robes, and "flirty" undies that have shit like PINK and CUPCAKE (or, God willing, PINK CUPCAKE!) emblazoned across the ass. I know, classy stuff.

On this particular day, I walked into the store and headed over to a display of bras. I had been inspecting them for roughly 23 seconds when, as if on cue, a perky salesgirl came up to me and asked, "Are youuuuu finding ev-er-ee-thing oh-kaaaay?" I humored her and told her that I was looking for a new bra, one that isn't stuffed with padding but still provides a bit of lining. She looked around, confused, and then honed in on the exact display I was already perusing. How very helpful of her.

"Well, THESE are reeeeeally nice! What size are you?"
"Ah, a 32 B." Sure enough, her eyes flicker down to my chest, then back up to me.
"Um, I'm gonna give youuuuuuu a thiiiiiiiirty. Just in case!" Yeah, great. She hands me a bra. I look at it. The clasp is not what I'm used to--rather than two little metal hooks, there's just one v-shaped clasp that hooks down onto a loop.

I then say "Hey, this clasp is sort of different." And this was her response:

"Yeah! I know! They're EYE-talian, so they hook differently over there."

Hmmmm. Interesting. They're not "Italian," they're EYE-talian. And they hook differently "over there." As if EYE-talians come from a magical realm where bras hook funny, meatballs are a form of currency (this particular bra would have cost, oh, I'd say about sixteen meatballs), and there are Vespas as far as the eye can see.

Anyway, I slowly backed away from the salesgirl and tried on two bras. I liked them enough to decide to buy them. When I walked up to the counter, the cashier started to ring me up, and then stopped.

"Oh, the white one is $27.50, but the grey one is $9.99." She looked at me expectantly.
"Okay..." I wasn't following her. I don't know about you, but normally it's a good thing when you go to buy something and find out that item is cheaper than you expected it would be.

"Well, these bras are 2 for $40."

Again, what? "Yeah..."

"Well, do you want to grab another bra so you can get the 2 for $40 deal?" The cashier's tone was now bordering on condescending. I, meanwhile, was bordering on exasperated. It's called mental math, honey. Round up if you have to, it's still not that hard.

"Uh, $27.50 plus $9.99 is under $40." The girl's brow furrowed. I could tell she was confused. Her brain could have very well blown a gasket from too much stimulation. I half expected her to take off her shoes and socks to help her with her counting.

"Wait, what?" Awkward silence followed. Then, slowly but surely, I could see her 2nd grade math skills slowly emerge out of the bottomless chasm of her mind. "Ohhhhhh! Yeah, huh huh, duh, you're right." She finished ringing me up and started carefully wrapping my bras in tissue paper as if they were Faberge eggs.

After turning down a FREE! pink stuffed puppy (come on now, I'm not six years old, and you shouldn't be hawking stuffed animals in the same store where you sell g-strings, v-strings, and transparent boustiers), I took my purchases and left, still foggy from the two interactions I just had. The sales girls proceeded to adjust their bountiful bosums and encourage shoppers to THINK PINK!, while my small boobs and I escaped back into civilization.

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23 Comments

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Isis

Egads!
Seems to me they've an IQ cut off point for the employees
no matter which state you're in.

ha ha, i think the same thing goes for police
departments.

Careful out there goils, you could be dealing with
an officer in training. Written on 17/7/07

Rebecca

Rebecca Kelley
I'll know for sure if "LAPD" is emblazoned in rhinestones on their asses. Written on 17/7/07

Isis

Egads!
nah, i'm sure they'd never get the ok on the
expenditure for bedazzlers.
even so, you know there'd be some dumbass out there with LADP Written on 18/7/07

pacificdrumr

pacificdrumr
I used to work in a grocery store, and sometimes people wanted to write a check for 25 dollars more than the order (the most you could get back for a check). It still amazes me that some people would actually write down the amount and have to write the 25 below it to figure out how much to make the check out for. I usually told them before they could finish figuring out the tricky calculus involved. Written on 17/7/07

sportrider

Sidharth Iyer
So... in guy terms, this would be like the auto shop mechanic not knowing what you mean by "5w-30 semi synth"? Written on 17/7/07

blitzhund

William Paris
I bet there's a good chance courtesy of the Chaos Theory that if you go into your local lingerie shop and order a "5w-30 semi synth" Bra you may indeed get the right piece of kit.

Sportrider, inversely try ordering a 32B Eye-talian next time you're at the auto supplies shop. Written on 18/7/07

hooty_mcboob

HootyMcBoob
Yeah ... the girls there are a little slow on the uptake. One insisted on measuring me for a bra, and proudly announced that I'm a 34B. I tried to tell her that I wasn't, but she was pretty thrilled with herself (I'm a 32D).


But hey, letters and numbers aren't their strong spots. Written on 17/7/07

e-train

Ian
32D??? yippeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

(best post of the day) Written on 18/7/07

pjm

pjm
It's even worse for a guy going into a lingerie shop (not buying for himself of course). I knew my gf's size, but when I got the stuff home, none of it fitted and it meant numerous return visits to the shop... the 32 was changed to a 34 and then the cup was changed from a B to a C... She hadn't put on weight or miraculously developed enormous, in comparative terms, jugs overnight, so their produce must be skimpy...and every time I went into that shop (Anne Summers) I felt that I was being frowned upon as if I were some monstrous perv (well, OK that's debatable)... Written on 19/7/07

mikull

michael
you said "It's not like I have some abnormally giant knockers that require me to go to VS for all my brassiere-acquiring needs"; however, my wife tells me VS only sells small shit. She's DDD yet fit, but says VS can't ...facilitate her./shrug Written on 19/7/07

Rebecca

Rebecca Kelley
They seem to carry more medium sizes than either smaller or larger. I'm in the "smaller" camp. Sigh. Written on 19/7/07

snowangel

christy pickens
Great post! I worked there part time while I was going through graduate school... Yes, those girls are total morons.. I also never understood why we had to wrap everthing in that damn tissue paper. Written on 20/7/07

oceans12

Greg
And like, well it's just so unjust, don't you think? While the poor little soul in China just, you know, does like, work for $160.00 a month, I would prefer to cry about the horrid injustices done to ME! ME! ME!

And poor Paris, why how could she ever endure such travesty! Albeit that she is farming your dumb asses.

Consider that concept if you can.



Written on 22/7/07

Rebecca

Rebecca Kelley
Um, what the hell does this comment have to do with anything? Written on 23/7/07

JaneCopland

Jane
I realise that you're trying to be clever, but you're failing miserably. Written on 23/7/07

JaneCopland

Jane
The one thing they do that I HATE (and this goes for Nordstrom shop girls too - they're experts at it) is say, "Oh, that looks so cute on you."

But it's pronounced like this:

"Owh! That looks so ceute on yaow!"

Puppies and kittens are cute. Bras and jeans are not. Written on 23/7/07

moo

moo
It sounds like you're a little sensitive about your less than overflowing cup size, but that's no excuse to take it out on the slow girls working at Victoria's Secret.

Be courageous and dare to love your body exactly the way it is, don't judge yourself against standards that are set by a hyper sexualized media.

Small tits are perky and beautiful...and remember that you'll probably remain perky long after the women with bigger breasts have begun to droop and sag. :) Written on 12/8/07

mkivsuptt

mkivsuptt
. Written on 14/9/07

PJ29

PJ
I may be of the same IQ as those fit to work at Victoria Secret here, but depending on what she meant by the "these" in "Well, these bras are 2 for $40," asking you if you wanted to pick up another one seems justifiable.

If she was referring to the $27.50 dollar one, she wanted to make sure you didn't miss out on picking up another $27.50 brazier for $12.50. If she was referring to the combination of both braziers, she might have wanted to let you know you could pick up a more expensive bra for about the same total price.

In either case, your argument about the price being under $40 dollars would probably have confused the poor girl. That said, I love your blog, very entertaining. Written on 26/2/08

JackieLynn

Jackie Harris
I agree with that. Since one of your bras was clearance she could have just been letting you know that you weren't taking full advantage of the deal and getting a third bra.

If she was really as confused as you say she was than maybe she really is just that dumb though... Written on 26/2/08

JackieLynn

Jackie Harris
I got a chuckle out of it... but is there any store paying barely above minimum wage where all of the employees are "Harvard educated" or just have a decent amount of common sense?? Written on 26/2/08

Sfleetw2

Susan Fleetwood
I find your self-conscious, moronic rant about Victoria’s Secret employees to be very immature. You start off by saying how you have brand loyalty because you are a “purist” when it comes to bras. From the start your credibility is diminished by your own hypocrisy. No one is forcing you to be brand loyal, and if ALL the employees at Victoria’s Secret are complete idiots, SHOP SOMEWHERE ELSE!
You sarcastically talk about the store being “classy” saying, “I head to the mall and get tractor-beamed into the store, where I am overwhelmed with the sickly sweet stench of perfumes and scented lotions, feathery-trimmed see-through robes, and "flirty" undies that have shit like PINK and CUPCAKE (or, God willing, PINK CUPCAKE!) emblazoned across the ass. I know, classy stuff.” You are one to talk about class because no real or classy journalist would ever use expletives, like your ever so classy use of the word “ass,” to describe a garment or a part of the human body. Also, why do you think you are “tractor beamed” into the store? Could it be the “sickly sweet stench” of the perfumes or the brightly colored merchandise and decorations? If the décor of Victoria’s Secret offends your fragile sensibilities, I suggest you write their corporate offices with your complaints or another novel idea would be to quit complaining about a product you like.
Your self-consciousness and negative body image, pertaining to the size of your breasts is particularly humorous, and further diminishes your credibility as a journalist. You told the sales associate that you were a 32B. When she suggested a thirty she wasn’t insulting your cup size but suggesting that you were smaller around. Get over yourself. Maybe next time don’t be so kind and “humor” the sales associate if you don’t want her to do her job.
When it comes to the mistake regarding the price of the bras you purchased, maybe you should think that sometimes people have brain hiccups. Everyone makes mistakes, including you. Also, if you have a problem with the way they wrap your garments in tissue paper, I’m sure that they will be more then happy to throw your newly purchased items into a trash bag and let you walk out of the store like that.
To say ALL Victoria’s Secret employees are morons is immature, and wrong. I am a Victoria’s Secret employee, and well, pretty much just owned your argument with wit, intelligence and tact, something that you could use. I am certainly not an idiot, as I have a 3.2 at a major university. I suggest that you sign up for body image counseling and on your way, maybe you can develop some class.
Written on 6/5/08

thisemptyjar

michelle
Hey, way to go!

YOU are being moronic by generalizing a group of people. Not only am I an part-time employee at Victoria's Secret, I graduated with a Masters from Carnegie Mellon University in Public Arts Management (which is competitive to even get accepted into the program). I, personally, do not find myself an idiot nor a moron.

And sorry if you're fat. Instead of generalizing people and writing about these "sorry" experiences, get off your ass and walk around the track.

Seriously, there are more important things in the world to rant about...

Wow, I cannot believe I actually wasted 10 minutes on this article. But kudos, you got me to reply. Written on 14/7/08

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