What the Fuck!? Jesus Just Cut Me Off!

Published on 20/7/07 in People

Thou shalt not use thy blinker

What's the deal with people driving like assholes with Jesus fishes on their cars? The ironic part of being cut off by someone that has this fish on the back of their car is you generally shout the word, "Jesus!" just as you notice the decal. Maybe this is a new tactic the church is using to get people's attention, but how do you think the Lord's Son feels about being represented by some jackoff in a minivan who's talking on the phone, flicking Pall Malls out the window and driving like a complete dick? Do the Judeo-Christian code of ethics only apply in the church parking lot? I don't know, i'm just asking. Maybe i'm supposed to be giving these people a break, i mean, they did purchase and adhere a gray plastic fish to their car. That must mean they can drive however they want. I can understand people with Darwin fishes driving like douchebags because let's face it, they're already going to hell for making fun of the Jesus fish.

If my calculations are correct and the Jesus fish is a license to promote the Lord with impunity, i'm slapping one on my forehead every time a baby starts crying in the movies or some asswipe is standing in line screaming into their phone and punching them until I feel they believe in God. I would use the Jesus fish for good, not evil.

You can call me The Jesus of Justice.

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10 Comments

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JaneCopland

Word. Fuck those little stickers. I saw an awesome version yesterday: it had a hook coming out of its mouth and the writing inside said, "N CHIPS." Written on 23/7/07

My Comment:

jaydub

Clearly you've never been in a parking lot after Mass let out. The most dangerous place in the world is walking through a swirling mass of minivans piloted by Roman Catholics who've just had their grace meters maxed. Written on 30/7/07

My Comment:

dcecil

Maybe those people with fish can't drive but they can swim like weasels. Written on 10/8/07

My Comment:

Cormade

Wait, there are Darwin fish? Im so glad you told me about this that Im not even going to point out the flaws in your argument *cough cough Darwin fish going to hell for making fun of Jesus fish cough cough* Written on 13/8/07

My Comment:

MrScuzzles

I think the Jesus fish people drive like maniacs because they're sure that their lord will protect them and possibly even use them as a vessel to smite the unbelievers.

Also, I can't think of any reason anyone would even have a God damn Jesus fish on their car. Is buying a little spray-painted plastic fish and putting it on your car supposed to prove to God and others that you're pious or something? Like God or anyone else cares if you have a religious hood ornament. If one wishes to prove to their God that they are a good Christian, just go to church.

Oh yeah. And all of that God nonsense... yeah, that's pretty laughable as well. I wish there was some sort of Athiest symbol I could put on my car and use as leverage to be a dick. Oh wait, there is! Excuse me, I'm going to go and buy myself a little "Darwin" fish. Written on 13/9/07

My Comment:

cami

tteehh heheheheheheeeehh Written on 25/11/07

My Comment:

sunkorg

By the gods (no pun intended), I'm so glad someone else has noticed this bizarre phenomenon!

The same rule applies to anyone sporting those "support our troops" ribbon magnets. Instead, how about supporting the speed limit and taking your hand off that cell phone?

While I'm at it: I hate your SUV, but pleased you're paying $3.20 a gallon for the privilege. Fucker.

Written on 27/11/07