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Él Tiburon

Hey, Bartender...

by Él Tiburon []
Published on 28/8/07 in People
Here's a buck. Now you and your three roommates can get an extra topping on your frozen pizza.
As a former bartender, I know the strains and perils of having someone's drink order in your hands. I know that sometimes, you have to play God and make life-threatening decisions based on what type of glass to serve a cosmo in. I mean, do you serve it in a martini glass or a cocktail glass? I too have been put in situations that require the razor-sharp mind and steady hand of an experienced bartender. I know, brother. I know.

My question to you is not about your ability or technique. My question is about your attitude. I remember having bad nights behind the bar. I've been stiffed by the drunk chick who just puked in the sink. Those were the nights that we as bartenders grit our teeth and press on into the night. Sometimes, it's tough to be the super-witty, pistol-winking, wise-cracking bartender that everyone loves, but you have to keep a united front and fight through the pain. Tips, man. Do it for the tips. The only thing worse than having a bad night is having a bad night and not making any money.

You, on the other hand have chosen a different road. Everytime I walk in, be it for a morning mimosa or late night cocktail, I am reminded of what a colossal asswipe you are. I go there for the beach front view and cheap drinks, but every time I interact with you I am reminded, "Oh, yeah. This guy is a complete prick. I forgot."

 What's your angle, man? Do you hate your job? Quit. I can't imagine you make any money when you treat the customers like shit. You should join the police academy or something. That way you could enjoy your dick-headed lifestyle without effecting your income. You could probably even crank it up a notch because, hey, you have a gun. Imagine the attitude you could sling at people then!

 All i'm saying is, consider your position in society before you decide you're better than everyone else. You make minimum wage and perpetually smell like vomit. How 'bout we kick that attitude down a click?

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17 Comments

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JaneCopland

Jane
You'd think that if you were a bartender at a beach-front bar, you'd have a slightly better attitude than if you worked... at any other bar. Personally, I could never work at a bar. I'd be drunk all the time. Written on 28/8/07

Bodero

Bo Dero
Always tip well, that is the cardinal rule for any bar-goer. Written on 28/8/07

tiburonbite

Él Tiburon
Tipping is a sliding scale my friend:

Average service gets a good tip.

Service that was good but the food was bad gets a good tip

Service that was bad but the food was good gets a good tip.

A watery bloody mary with a soggy olive sloshed across the bar and an unreturned greeting featuring the stink-eye… right back atcha, slick. I hope you starve.
Written on 29/8/07

blitzhund

William Paris
Frankly, average service should get no tip.

Bad service should get you a new job (or a place in the dole queue).

Excellent service where the person is friendly, communicative and makes your night out special - that's a tip.

I was appalled the last time I was in the States and my friend told me I was 'expected' to tip 20%. That's a ridiculous amount for something called a 'tip' that's supposed to be something extra for providing good to excellent service.

I suppose that's one good thing about the UK being overrun by Eastern Europeans. They're thrilled when you tip 10p. Written on 29/8/07

JaneCopland

Jane
When I lived in New Zealand, tipping just didn't happen. It may have caught on there now, I don't know. If you'd tried to give someone a tip, I think they'd have tapped you on the shoulder and said, "You forgot your change." Written on 29/8/07

Killer

Ty Henry
I've heard that about the UK. I've only been there once, many years ago (and I loved it, can't wait to get back). We in America are used to tipping 15% standard. I tip only 10% for "bad" service, and up to 50% for great service. But I've heard in the UK they get excited about serving Americans because they always get a "great" tip by local standards. Written on 30/8/07

tiburonbite

Él Tiburon
Next time you walk into a bar, speak with a European accent and watch the bartenders dive under the bar like you just pulled out a gun. Sadly, it's no myth. Written on 30/8/07

gabrielle

Gabrielle
I loved Finland, tips are included in the prices so no one expects you to tip and they look at you kind of funny if you do. Of course you can tip if you want but only if the service is super-excellent or you're way too drunk to remember how it's supposed to be:) Written on 31/8/07

p74023

Paul
I happily tip but now i've got to the point where i object to the fact that restaurants automatically add 12.5% without even asking you.
Also how do I know that actually goes to the waiter or waitress as a certain restaurant if you leave a tip via card the restaurant owner gets the money (shocking!!!)
It should be down to me if i tip or not and then i wouldnt tip someone for puring me a drink or opening a bottle as they havnt done enough to earn more than their salary. If they have brought it to my table in a pub then its a different matter as this is more restaurant style and more european.
I hate queing at the bar so wish in uk they would bring waiters and waitresses to serve in pubs at the table like they do in europe. Written on 29/8/07

EpicQuaker

Will
as a certain restaurant if you leave a tip via card the restaurant owner gets the money (shocking!!!)

Man, that's really something else...I'm not a fan of carrying dosh around, but if this sort of behavior is common, I def need to start. Written on 30/8/07

cmgarcia

Christopher Garcia
Leaving a tip via card and the restaurant getting that money; I've never heard of that happening. But my wife worked at a restaurant for a couple of years, and any time they tipped with card, all those tips were tallied at the end of the night and paid out to whom they were given to. Written on 13/9/07

contentmuse

contentmuse
I always tip well...Why?

It contributes to the welfare of everyone..

1- It levels the playing field for the bartender. Often, you will catch sight of blokes showing their face around the bar ordering two effeminate drinks. One for his girlfriend that hasn't figured him for a femme yet, and one for himself. The bartender slaves over the order for five minutes only to have the closet, tutu wearing butt pirate say, "Oh you used Grey Goose? I wanted Zyr."

I come up with a big grin all alone (I'm a ladies man), order a shot of tequila (chilled? of course not- that takes too much effort) and a corona, and drop a five dollar tip.

2- It puts the bartender in a better mood for all to enjoy. The next time Vinnie comes up with his entourage (not the THE entourage, but a fake-ass, gold chain wearing, white Fila sneakered, coarse chest hair toting kind- I reside in the tri-state area) and asks for four shots of Soco and lime, but asks for the bartender to go "light on the lime" with a sweaty, Mike Damone from Fast Times at Ridgemont High wink, the bartender won't grip him by his black, skin-tight, nipple-showcasing shirt, but kindly think of better times and pour the shots, divert his eyes from the hairy atrocities, and slug one down with them.

3- It puts me in pole position for the rest of the night. Later in the night, when the bar is full of people imploring for a drink, I can walk right up next to the girl exhibiting her exquisite breasts, and rather than serve her or anyone else, the bartender will remember my prior munificence and tend to my concerns. If it is a female bartender- well, I am a charming bastard (a ladies man remember?) and she will serve me first regardless.. Written on 29/8/07

fatback

Francis
Here here, contentmuse. The preemptive overtip on the first drink is the way to go...especially at the beach front or hip hop bar (where in both cases ladies are likely to be donning a bikini top) That said...

It's always the assholes tending bar at the beach bar/San Francisco Cannery Bar/ Boston Fenueil Hall Bars/[insert tourist trap here] that really give new meaning to the word prick. They are invariably on a break from their 6 year college plan at BU (or wherever) and decided to work at the 'Original Cheers' so they can get up late and sleep with hostesses who are still in high school.

The reason they are pricks is because the management doesn't have to hire good help because it's a tourist trap - so they hire cheap help [read: assholes].

I tended bar for years and was fair to anyone that was polite. Or if they tipped well. Or if they had a huge rack. Free drinks for huge racked, polite, good tippers. Just like Jesus would have done. Written on 29/8/07

dcecil

dcecil
That poor sad fuck. Why do you hate so? Written on 29/8/07

cmgarcia

Christopher Garcia
Oddly enough, I've been extremely curious as to what caused all the bartenders at my one favorite lounge to, seemingly overnight, turn into a bunch of pricks. I'm still searching for a new place, wish me well. Written on 13/9/07

TLH1976

Tim
I don't expect attitude from anyone who makes $250-$500 on a Friday night. Some people don't make that in a week. They should be kissing ass and taking names all night long! Written on 3/10/07

rence

rence mccusker
Tip Well Tip Early Tip Often…if you are a frequent patron of the establishment the staff will climb over one another to get to you first and treat you best…if you are not, well lets just say that the shock of an unsurpassed tip early in the night means you won’t be blindly stumbling around the bar looking for a drink and credible directions to the washroom (and assistance in procuring a taxi come closing time): they will be delivered with a smile…unless the bartender/server is a complete asshole - having the worst day of his or her life – or completely oblivious to common bloody sense…

“Hey Bartender! One AppleTini - Light on the Tini!…please…”

( I may be way off base here but I do speak as someone who paid for college through the service industry once and is planning on financing it again in a similar fashion…)

…of course all of this advice is given under the assumption that you can afford it…(and if you can afford to pay for a stranger to cook your food and pour your drinks, then why the hell not? You only live once and you can’t take it with you…)

Cheers…
Written on 26/10/07

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